Hyperlocal news about Melbourne's first suburb: Fitzroy 3065

I hope you get cancer and die a slow painful death


Smoking in Victoria is routinely banned in enclosed spaces but not in open or outdoor public or private spaces. At the 2009 Australian Formula 1 Grand Prix, you are not allowed to smoke in seated grandstands, but you are free to smoke in designated general admission spectator areas. I had a great time at the F1 except for having to move all the time to avoid being forced to inhale poisonous smoke against my will.


When someone fist blew smoke in my direction I would politely ask them to move elsewhere. None could understand why I was asking, and none cared. They indicated that my request was unreasonable and that, as they were not in a smoke free zone, they believed they were free to smoke regardless of the wishes of others because the law is on their side.

When they refused to move I explained that I did not want to consume their poison. Most were bogan retards who could barely make coherent sentences. Some basically told me to get fucked, to which I responded that I hoped they would get cancer and die a slow painful death. Some walked away after that as they were confused and confronted by the degree of my anger at their antisocial behaviour. Some escalated the hostility and I chose to move.

As an experiment I would like to walk around with a can of fly spray and randomly spray it in the faces of smokers. I wonder if they would find that annoying or irritating? How would they like having the air they breathe polluted? How would they cope with being forced to inhale poisonous chemicals against their will?

Why is smoking allowed in general admission spectator areas? The only place it should be allowed is in fenced designated areas away from spectator positions so that spectators are not forced to inhale unwanted smoke. Why do I as a customer of the F1 GP only deserve protection from poisonous smoke if I buy an expensive grandstand seat?

I’m thinking of making a written complaint to the Australian Grand Prix Corporation and also Consumer Affairs Victoria. I think there is a convincing case of discrimination against general admission ticket holders because the AGCP provides a lower level of environmental safety or duty of care to them compared to grandstand ticket holders.

Update 29 April 2009: this is not related to the F1 GP, but a woman standing on a train station platform in Melbourne was punched in the face by a woman smoker who refused to put out her cigarette at the woman’s request. The article does not clarify the law but I believe smoking is not allowed on platforms. What have you whinging smokers got to say now?

Update 2 May 2010: As I have been arguing for some time, smoking in outdoor spaces needs to be regulated and smokers should not be allowed to inflict their poison on others. The world is starting to catch up on the idea.


  1. I normally enjoy this blog, but jesus christ these people are outside. Is their second-hand smoke really getting in your face that much? I’m a non-smoker and even I found this post ridiculous. A written complaint to Consumer Affairs? No wonder these “bogans” told you to fuck off…so would I. How about some common sense when its “open air”? HTFU already princess.

  2. get over it mate – there are greater things to get angry about.

  3. i’m not a smoker, i hate smoking.

    but you are such a pompous fuckwit. i hate almost everything you write yet i can not look away.
    you’re better than bolt.

  4. I’m with you Brian. It’s feral. They’re always ashing their cigarettes on kids.

    Bloody Ferrari fans are the worst, waiting till two seconds before the race starts then come and plonk themselves down in front of where you’ve been sitting all day to get a good spot then spark up an entire pack of Marlboros.

    And the pigs then leave their butts every-fucking-where for someone else to clean up like their oversized mouse shits are perfectly harmless.

    No more Australian GP for me. Tool central.

  5. How do you convince yourself that you’re not a dick? Bogan Retards? YOU were at the Grand Prix!!! Please stop trying to represent the decent, tolerant, accepting people of Fitzroy any longer. I’m signing off your blog for good>

    • Bye! Do you think that only bogans like F1? I think that taste in sport (and many other things) is entireely subjective and arbitrary. I like F1,, you like soccer, someone else likes skiing, and none of this is important. What is important to me in this case is the differing standards of behaviour allowed for general admission and grandstand customers and the differing level of care provided by the event organiser.

  6. Lol, cat amongst the pigeons! I do enjoy it when you get on your high horse Brian, I may not agree with you when you’re up on that horse but the level of jowl shaking bluster in these PC times can be quite amusing. Although as a smoker (albeit a very considerate one) I really hope I don’t get cancer and die a slow and painful death.

  7. someone who pays money to attend the grand prix – that displaces the general public from public spaces – is on shaky ground when questioning the right of a smoker to smoke outside.

    what right do fans of the GP have to force everyone else off albert park?

    did you also get a lungful of the petrol fumes? a bit like complaining about the cold in antarctica…

    • Probably far less pertrol fumes than an average commute or any time spent in traffic. It is not the fans who displace the public but the government.

  8. so, you don’t consider that you are supporting the displacement by attending the GP? it’s not your fault because the govt says it is ok? your morals aren’t called into question because it is sanctioned by someone else?

    couldn’t a smoker argue the same point?

    in your letter to consumer affairs, can you also point out the inherent unfairness in people getting a better quality experience if they buy business or first class airline tickets. there are safety concerns there too. i am tired of people paying more for a better option and actually getting it…it’s just not strayan.

  9. I find the title of this post quite insensitive. There are many people and families dealing with cancer. As someone who falls into this category, I can tell you, it is not something I would wish on anyone.

  10. final questions

    1. is the “misanthropy” this post is filed under yours?
    2. is it possible that the “bogans” who moved away weren’t “confused and confronted by the degree of my anger at their antisocial behaviour”, but instead worried about an increased level of hostility displayed in their proximity?
    3. why is this post on a blog i have previously enjoyed, that is apparently about hyperlocal news? your reaction to cigarette smoke is much more hyperlocal that i was expecting
    4. the title of this post is not created from “ignorant insensitivity” – are we to assume it was intentionally insensitive?


    • 1 yes; 2 whatever; 3 read the fine print (Fitzroyalty “features stories on the suburb of Fitzroy in Melbourne, Australia, and reflections on life from a socially libertarian, economically socialist, culturally anarchistic and radically individualistic point of view“); 4 whatever.

  11. I have had cancer and wish you non-brainers would stop using the word cancer in such a light hearted fashion. My brother is currently in hospital after surviving for four years. It is now in the brain and he is brave and dealing with it. You non-brainers who CONSISTENLY think you are funny with these off the cuff remarks. NEED to rethink your use of language.


  12. it would be nice if you set up another blog, and kept this one as a fitzroy-only one, then moved your high horse bullshit somewhere else.

    it’s getting tedious filtering through your pompous fuckwittery to get the otherwise quite in-depth and useful posts about fitzroy.

    it also makes me think that there is no point in the state library of victoria archiving your site in their pandora project, since its just getting increasingly tainted with your decidedly non-fitroy-related bollocks.

    on the flipside, its heartening to know that there are other readers that sometimes have had enough of your bullshit, not just me.

    as for cigarette smokers, i think you’ll find that they have the law on their side for being in the fresh air – they’d also have the law on their side if you assaulted them with poisonous fly spray. douche.

  13. You seem shocked to find out that there are jerks in the world.

  14. And how dare you write about whatever you want on your own blog? Who do you think you are? A blogger?

  15. Ah. That link you gave is the most useful thing you’ve done so far on this site.

    I can get this blog the hell off my feed now.


  16. I like the way that you don’t seem to care what people think about you. (That is just my impression by reading some articles, which I enjoy by the way)
    But still, you appear a bit upnosy by holding your own person above the so called “bogans” (they might have a diploma or be doctors and perhaps they still are careless arses..)
    Anyway, I don’t like smokers which don’t care and I eventually demonstrated that back in time with a nice can of Lynx from time to time I used to carry with me.
    Luckily you are ok and nothing like that happened to you:

    Keep up the good fitzroy post stuff, I enjoy it and since I moved over here it is very helpful and interesting to see what my neighbourhood has to offer or what I can do within it.

  17. a bit upnosy. Poetry.
    Brian: I think you should start a new blog (or even a cafe) just so you can call it that!

    • I am not sure if that was a typo or a grammatical error – I think Markus is German so some ESL consideration should be given. It could be a good name for a cafe but I suspect it would attract too many lawyers looking for something else upnosy… Markus FYI if you are not familiar with bogans, they’re the Australian white trash.

  18. Hehe.. great. yeah, bloody hun, that I am, I just translated the german word for snooty or arrogant word by word.
    Word of the day – upnosy ( still available..)
    Yeah, and I think I met some of these bogan specimens.
    It’s great to have them, on whom could people look down otherwise?

    By the way, do I have the rights on the word now?

    • Thanks Markus – yes snooty is exactly the right word. Upnosy is funny though! I had a moment just like this last night, when I met a German woman at the pub. I used the phrase ‘I wrote it off’ to describe something I had given up on, and she said it was literally the same in German so she understood what I meant. She said she had been translating other German colloquial phrases into English and confusing native English speakers with them, because the meaning was not the same. Exactly like upnosy! You can tell I’m into words because I am amused by this :-)

  19. The great thing is, Markus, that we all knew exactly what you meant, because we were all Germans once. Saxons anyway. Philologically that is.Not forgetting the Angles.

  20. very entertaining reading the comments on this post!

  21. smoking is disgusting, whoever does it deserves to get cancer and die.

  22. And all these faint-hearted commenters who run away scared from this blog never get angry or irrational or frustrated and would never go out of their way to insult someone they didn’t know… ooh nooo

    • It amuses me when no one engages with the actual topic, which is ‘is it ethical to pollute other people’s air against their will?’ It demonstrates to me that they have no ideas to contribute, so they make do with facile emotional responses.

  23. Doesn’t the same principle apply to vehicle exhaust? I’ve never owned a car, use public transport, utilise services delivered by vehicles and get the odd cab so I contribute to the problem a little, but again, doesn’t the same principle apply when it comes to inhaling other people’s poison? Is it fair, as a non-driver, that my entire environment is impinged by cars; air quality, aesthetics, noise, danger, the Americanisation (ruination) of Australia because the car is king, to the detriment of all else? Surely I’ve got greater justification for a whinge than someone inhaling the odd little bit of secondary smoke? Christ it wasn’t that long ago that smoking everywhere was the norm…can you not just enjoy the gains you’ve won already, things will continue to improve in that regard as well.

    In terms of consideration for others when smoking, some smokers will be inconsiderate but the majority will be aware of their impact on others and will therefore behave accordingly (I would hope), you can’t just tar all smokers with the same brush based on the behaviour of a minority.

    Also the example you use about the smoker punching the woman on the platform…she’s obviously a nutter and it was unfortunate that the other, brave woman stood up to her, BUT, sometimes in those cisrcumstances it’s more prudent to just walk away or report the offendor to the nearest person in authority…especially considering the high number of f’wits that use public transport.

    • Hi Davy, my understanding of the chemistry is that exposure to vehicle emissions is far less dangerous than exposure to cigarette smoke. The point that seems to have been missed in a lot of the responses here is that different standards prevail for grandstand seating and general admission spectator areas, which are just as tightly packed albeit in an ad hoc manner. My argument is mainly aimed at the inconsistent recognition that being exposed to smoke is unpleasant. People who pay more get protected at the GP; those who pay less are not.

  24. Thanks Brian, I understand your point about the discrepancy with regards to the double standards at the GP. Totally agree with you. My main point was that I have more of a justification for complaint based on the huge and environmental impact of the motor vehicle in tangible and intangible ways, I forgot to mention wars, oil pollution, corruption at every level and global warming. Compared to all that, secondary smoke is just a fart in the wind.

    • With respect, tell that to someone dying of cancer acquired because of passive smoking. Tell that to the asthmatic kids in hospital because their selfish parents refuse to quit smoking in the family home and car. Tell that to the women whose babies have died because passive smoking cause SIDS.

  25. Hey sooky wanker… if you dont like the smoke THEN FUCKING MOVE! Rather than stand there and request others move. .. You no like.. you fuck off like you were told!!

    Im also a non smoker.. FYI!

  26. Brian brian brian… whinge whinge whinge! Im surprised you didnt get your lights punched out. This is a mans sport = HTFU buttercup!

    • Don’t bother addressing the core issue then – the different health standards provided for grandstand and general admission spectators.

  27. It’s not illegal, if you don’t like it move.
    Proves my drama queen comment.

    • I think it is unethical and represents a breach of health standards for customers and thus should be illegal. Are you trolling for more posts to whinge about? Want some suggestions?

  28. That maybe so, but as it stand’s smoking is not illegal.
    As long as it is legal to smoke, smokers still need somewhere to smoke.

    • There should be no smoking in specified spectator areas. Designated smoking areas away from the track could easily be provided as there is plenty of open ground.

  29. I agree with you Brian that its not ethical to pollute other people’s air against their will and that there should no smoking in specified spectator areas not just in expensive areas at events like these. It is your hostile response however that is clearly not productive and just causing more harm. Attitudes toward smoke pollution are changing and you need to be aid that by polite, positive attitudes not aggressive ones that just make you look like an immature fool rather than raising awareness.

  30. Having worked in hospitality for 25 years and being an ex smoker It is my humble opinion that all smokers should have their lips welded to their arsholes.
    I am starting to reap the ill effects of smoking and one day no doubt i will become a burden on the health system. I have watched two mates die connected to oxygen and it is not a pretty sight, these dickheads who think it is ok to puff away are in for a shock when they get a bit older, trust me you will regret it, once you puff away you have started a chain reaction and somewhere down the track you will…WILL have a smoking related disease…even after you give them up. SO fag on sucker….print this out and stick it in yout wallet, I hope it hurts.

  31. Hey Brian, although wishing cancer/slow painful death sounds too harsh for me. I do agree with you. Smokers should be considerate enough to think about people around them when they light up those cigs. If they choose to inhale poison, they should do it without risking the health of others. Environmental Tobacco Smoke (ETS) is one of the leading causes of lung cancer, and it shouldn’t be taken lightly.

  32. I’m with you most of the way Brian. Fed up to the back teeth of getting spruced up, dressed & smelling nice, and heading out for lunch/dinner/drinks or just a walk in the park, only to have to breathe someone else’s fumes, not to mention winding up smelling like an ashtray myself just for being there.
    We went to the ‘family friendly’ Queenscliff music festival end of ’09 and spent most of our time dodging bloody cigarette smoke. If you have to stand in a fenced off area to have a glass of wine, smokers could have their own fenced off area too.

  33. Maybe we should cut taxpayer-funded medical support for people who practice unhealthy lifestyle choices (excessive drinking, smoking, lack of exercise, poor diet, etc).

  34. The only thing more ‘bogan’ than smoking is going to, and thereby supporting, the grand prix. who do you think sponsors many of the teams..? cigarette companies stupid. by going to this you are supporting not just a bogan car race, but the cigarette companies that sponsor it.

    you should take a good look at yourself, you bogan!

    • You obviously know nothing about F1, which is the biggest annual sporting competition in the world, and the most technologically sophisticated. It is essentially about the commercialisation of the laws of physics. Most of the bogans at the Australian F1 GP are there to see the Australian V8 support races. Tobacco advertising is increasingly being banned in many countries and in F1 is gradually being phased out of commercial sponsorship in favour of IT, financial and telecommunications companies.

  35. “Hey sooky wanker… if you dont like the smoke THEN FUCKING MOVE! Rather than stand there and request others move. .. You no like.. you fuck off like you were told!!”

    Obviously a bogan.

  36. I for one, as a former smoker, would like to apologize to all that I harmed in the past. I was so thoughtless. And so now, again I must learn not to be thoughtless when considering the rights of the ignorant murdering smokers. I will not yell or be angry with you as you slowly kill me.

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