Men are commonly blamed by women for forcing them to endure beauty regimes at their expense for men’s benefit. This is nonsense. Women choose their beauty routines of their own accord regardless of the opinions of their male partners (or men in general). Women use symbols of ‘beauty’ to compete with other women for social status.
It is heartening to read the occasional recognition of the reality of this from women. When talking about women’s use of botox in ‘Beauty cuts more than skin deep‘, ethicist Leslie Cannold states:
Radical feminists – and their Christian pseudo-feminist cousins – blame men. As one angry young woman put it in response to a piece I wrote on the issue several years ago: ”Women get plastic surgery, as well as spend endless time and money on all of the other beauty practices listed, because men require us to … Men invent new and higher standards of beauty for us to live up to because they need new and different ways of knowing that we’re still playing the game.”
My experience is that the shaming and silencing around Botox has nothing to do with men and everything to do with other women.
In ‘Why are we so repulsed by how these women look?‘, Wendy Squires examines the bogan beauty aesthetic of the women in the tv show The Shire. She quotes psychologist Meredith Fuller:
Talk to men and they usually say they don’t like that huge made-up look or fake breasts. I think these girls are just delighting in looking how they want. They’re saying ‘it’s my body, my money and my choice’. This sense of liberation can challenge those of us who don’t share it or feel they can achieve the same in their own lives.
Precisely. The artificial beauty aesthetic has nothing to do with women pandering to men’s desires and everything to do with their own values.
16 August 2012 at 5:03 am
Eh, I see your point, but personally, I don’t blame ‘men’ for this at all. I blame the patriarchy. Both men and women participate in the perpetuation of the patriarchy. I include myself in that, and I’m a pretty staunch feminist.
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16 August 2012 at 2:46 pm
The extremes as seen in The Shire might not be attractive to most men but I would say a degree of beauty ‘maintenance’ in women is still expected by a lot of men.
I do tend to agree with hsg though… it is more likely societal pressures rather than “men” that make women feel this way (and examining the history behind the causes of these societal pressures may be worthwhile as well).
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16 August 2012 at 3:57 pm
I argue that those social pressures are created and maintained by women.
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17 August 2012 at 10:00 am
Out of interest (and assuming you are hetero) would you date a neat, tidy, healthy, fit and well-presented woman who also has short greying hair, underarm hair, hairy legs, an unmanicured bikini line, a makeup-free face and a slight hint of a mono-brow?
I am genuinely interested if you would and whether or not you think some men might find this confronting or off-putting. Many women from about 25 and older would look like the woman I described above if they were to limit their personal grooming to that of the average man.
Women may tint, dye, paint, pluck, wax, style and polish for other women as well but I would argue that there are some influences coming from men and/or men’s influence on society as well.
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17 August 2012 at 11:18 am
I would, have and hopefully will do in future.
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17 August 2012 at 4:43 pm
That’s refreshing to hear.
I still think many men would see things differently though. Certainly from my experience many men have turned their noses up at visible underarm, leg or other hair not growing from the scalp on myself and other women… for that reason (amongst many others) I have participated in certain “artificial beauty” (as you put it so well) procedures myself.
I’m surprised you have never experienced this but heartened that men such as you do actually exist.
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17 August 2012 at 4:46 pm
I don’t like people telling me what to do with my body, and it would therefore be hypocritical if I had irrational expectations of others.
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10 September 2012 at 4:58 pm
It’s definitely not just men who are criticising women’s bodies and appearance but they do. Women and men are both at it but don’t forget men get it too (balding/back hair/beards/ are common male areas that get a lot of negative attention). I’m not so sure “beauty and grooming” criticism is a gender issue in the sense that one gender is forcing it on the other. I’m not even sure it’s a human culture thing. Most mammals have a pre-occupation with appearance/attractiveness to mates one way or another at breeding time whether it’s males impressing females or vice versa. As we are fertile all year and a hypersexual mammal that has recreational sex we’re focussed on attractiveness almost permanently. Thus we exist in a culture that sets up ideals of beauty/attractiveness for men and women and that some people amongst both genders indulge in criticising/ humiliating those who fall short. All in all though I do hear women indulging in criticism of both other women’s and men’s appearances more often than I hear it from men.
The only time this is a direct gender/prejudice issue is when we’re talking about public criticism/ humiliation for deliberately creating an appearance that doesn’t give clear gender signals. This is usually a hegemonic cis-gendered society alienating and shaming those who diverge from those constructed norms but is still as likely to be enforced by cis gendered women as it is by cis gendered men.
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